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King O'Toole
and his Goose ch, I thought all the world, far and near, had heerd o' King O'Toole — well, well, but the darkness of mankind is untellible! Well, sir, you must know, as you didn't hear it afore, that there was a king, called King O'Toole, who was a fine old king in the old ancient times, long ago; and it was he that owned the churches in the early days. The king, you see, was the right sort; he was the real boy, and loved sport as he loved his life, and hunting in particular; and from the rising o' the sun, up he got, and away he went over the mountains after the deer; and fine times they were. Well,
it was all mighty good, as long as the king had his health; but, you
see, in course
of time the king grew old, by raison he was stiff in his limbs, and
when he got
stricken in years, his heart failed him, and he was lost entirely for
want o' diversion,
because he couldn't go a-hunting no longer; and, by dad, the poor king
was obliged
at last to get a goose to divert him. Oh, you may laugh, if you like,
but it's truth
I'm telling you; and the way the goose diverted him was this-a-way: You
see, the
goose used to swim across the lake, and go diving for trout, and catch
fish on a
Friday for the king, and flew every other day round about the lake,
diverting the
poor king. All went on mighty well until, by dad, the goose got
stricken in years
like her master, and couldn't divert him no longer, and then it was
that the poor
king was lost entirely. The king was walkin' one mornin' by the edge of
the lake,
lamentin' his cruel fate, and thinking of drowning himself, that could
get no diversion
in life, when all of a sudden, turning round the corner, who should he
meet but
a mighty decent young man coming up to him. "God
save you," says the king to the young man. "God
save you kindly, King O'Toole," says the young man. "Oh,
never mind," says St. Kavin. You see
it was Saint Kavin, sure enough — the saint himself in disguise, and
nobody else.
"Oh, never mind," says he, "I know more than that. May I make bold
to ask how is your goose, King O'Toole?" says he. "Blur-an-agers,
how came ye to know about my goose?" says the king. "Oh,
no matter; I was given to understand it," says Saint Kavin. After
some more talk the king says, "What are you?" "I'm
an honest man," says Saint Kavin. "Well,
honest man," says the king, "and how is it you make your money so aisy?" "By
makin' old things as good as new," says Saint Kavin. "Is
it a tinker you are?" says the king. "No,"
says the saint; "I'm no tinker by trade, King O'Toole; I've a better
trade
than a tinker," says he — "what would you say," says he, "if
I made your old goose as good as new?" My dear,
at the word of making his goose as good as new, you'd think the poor
old king's
eyes were ready to jump out of his head. With that the king whistled,
and down came
the poor goose, just like a hound, waddling up to the poor cripple, her
master,
and as like him as two peas. The minute the saint clapt his eyes on the
goose, "I'll
do the job for you," says he, "King O'Toole." "By
Jaminee!" says King O'Toole, "if you do, I'll say you're
the cleverest
fellow in the seven parishes." "Oh,
by dad," says St. Kavin, "you must say more nor that — my horn's not so
soft all out," says he, "as to repair your old goose for nothing;
what'll
you gi' me if I do the job for you? — that's the chat," says St. Kavin. "I'll
give you whatever you ask," says the king; "isn't that fair?" "Divil
a fairer," says the saint; "that's the way to do business. Now,"
says he, "this is the bargain I'll make with you, King O'Toole: will
you gi'
me all the ground the goose flies over, the first offer, after I make
her as good
as new?" "I
will," says the king. "You
won't go back o' your word?" says St. Kavin. "Honour
bright!" says King O'Toole, holding out his fist. "Honour
bright!" says St. Kavin, back agin, "it's a bargain. Come here!"
says he to the poor old goose — "come here, you unfortunate ould
cripple, and
it's I that'll make you the sporting bird." With that, my dear, he took
up
the goose by the two wings — "Criss o' my cross an you," says he,
markin'
her to grace with the blessed sign at the same minute — and throwing
her up in the
air, "whew," says he, jist givin' her a blast to help her; and with
that,
my jewel, she took to her heels, flyin' like one o' the eagles
themselves, and cutting
as many capers as a swallow before a shower of rain. Well,
my dear, it was a beautiful sight to see the king standing with his
mouth open,
looking at his poor old goose flying as light as a lark, and better
than ever she
was: and when she lit at his feet, patted her on the head, and "Ma
vourneen,"
says he, "but you are the darlint o' the world." "And
what do you say to me," says 'Saint Kavin, "for making her the like?" "By
Jabers," says the king, "I say nothing beats the art o' man, barring
the
bees." "And
do you say no more nor that?" says Saint Kavin. "And
that I'm beholden to you," says the king. "But
will you gi'e me all the ground the goose flew over?" says Saint Kavin. "I
will," says King O'Toole, "and you're welcome to it," says he, "though
it's the last acre I have to give." "But
you'll keep your word true?" says the saint. "As
true as the sun," says the king. "It's
well for you, King O'Toole, that you said that word," says he; "for if
you didn't say that word, the devil the bit o' your goose would ever
fly agin." When the
king was as good as his word, Saint Kavin was pleased with him, and
then it was
that he made himself known to the king. "And," says he, "King O'Toole,
you're a decent man, for I only came here to try you. You don't know
me," says
he, "because I'm disguised." "Musha!
then," says the king, "who are you?" "I'm
Saint Kavin," said the saint, blessing himself. "Oh,
queen of heaven!" says the king, making the sign of the cross between
his eyes,
and falling down on his knees before the saint; "is it the great Saint
Kavin,"
says he, "that I've been discoursing all this time without knowing it,"
says he, "all as one as if he was a lump of a gossoon? — and so
you're
a saint?" says the king. "I
am," says Saint Kavin. "By
Jabers, I thought I was only talking to a dacent boy," says the king. "Well,
you know the difference now," says the saint. "I'm Saint Kavin,"
says he, "the greatest of all the saints." And so
the king had his goose as good as new, to divert him as long as he
lived: and the
saint supported him after he came into his property, as I told you,
until the day
of his death — and that was soon after; for the poor goose thought he
was catching
a trout one Friday; but, my jewel, it was a mistake he made — and
instead of a trout,
it was a thieving horse-eel; and instead of the goose killing a trout
for the king's
supper — by dad, the eel killed the king's goose — and small blame to
him; but he
didn't ate her, because he darn't ate what Saint Kavin had laid his
blessed hands
on. |