THE
MAN WHO COULD WORK MIRACLES
A
PANTOUM IN PROSE
IT
is doubtful whether the gift was innate. For my own part, I think it
came to him suddenly. Indeed, until he was thirty he was a sceptic,
and did not believe in miraculous powers. And here, since it is the
most convenient place, I must mention that he was a little man, and
had eyes of a hot brown, very erect red hair, a moustache with ends
that he twisted up, and freckles. His name was George McWhirter
Fotheringay not the sort of name by any means to lead to any
expectation of miracles and he was clerk at Gomshott's. He was
greatly addicted to assertive argument. It was while he was asserting
the impossibility of miracles that he had his first intimation of his
extraordinary powers. This particular argument was being held in the
bar of the Long Dragon, and Toddy Beamish was conducting the
opposition by a monotonous but effective "So you
say," that drove Mr. Fotheringay to the very limit of his
patience.
There
were present, besides these two, a very dusty cyclist, landlord Cox,
and Miss Maybridge, the perfectly respectable and rather portly
barmaid of the Dragon. Miss Maybridge was standing with her back to
Mr. Fotheringay, washing glasses; the others were watching him, more
or less amused by the present ineffectiveness of the assertive
method. Goaded by the Torres Vedras tactics of Mr. Beamish, Mr.
Fotheringay determined to make an unusual rhetorical effort. "Looky
here, Mr. Beamish," said Mr. Fotheringay. "Let us clearly
understand what a miracle is. It's something contrariwise to the
course of nature done by power of Will, something what couldn't
happen without being specially willed."
"So
you
say," said Mr. Beamish, repulsing him.
Mr.
Fotheringay appealed to the cyclist, who had hitherto been a silent
auditor, and received his assent given with a hesitating cough
and a glance at Mr. Beamish. The landlord would express no opinion,
and Mr. Fotheringay, returning to Mr. Beamish, received the
unexpected concession of a qualified assent to his definition of a
miracle.
"For
instance," said Mr. Fotheringay, greatly encouraged. "Here
would be a miracle. That lamp, in the natural course of nature,
couldn't burn like that upsy-down, could it, Beamish?"
"You
say it couldn't," said Beamish.
"And
you?" said Fotheringay. "You don't mean to say eh?"
"No,"
said Beamish reluctantly. "No, it couldn't."
"Very
well," said Mr. Fotheringay. "Then here comes someone, as
it might be me, along here, and stands as it might be here, and says
to that lamp, as I might do, collecting all my will Turn
upsy-down without breaking, and go on burning steady, and Hullo!"
It
was enough to make anyone say "Hullo!" The impossible, the
incredible, was visible to them all. The lamp hung inverted in the
air, burning quietly with its flame pointing down. It was as solid,
as indisputable as ever a lamp was, the prosaic common lamp of the
Long Dragon bar.
Mr.
Fotheringay stood with an extended forefinger and the knitted brows
of one anticipating a catastrophic smash. The cyclist, who was
sitting next the lamp, ducked and jumped across the bar. Everybody
jumped, more or less. Miss Maybridge turned and screamed. For nearly
three seconds the lamp remained still. A faint cry of mental distress
came from Mr. Fotheringay. "I can't keep it up," he said,
"any longer." He staggered back, and the inverted lamp
suddenly flared, fell against the corner of the bar, bounced aside,
smashed upon the floor, and went out.
It
was lucky it had a metal receiver, or the whole place would have been
in a blaze. Mr. Cox was the first to speak, and his remark, shorn of
needless excrescences, was to the effect that Fotheringay was a fool.
Fotheringay was beyond disputing even so fundamental a proposition as
that! He was astonished beyond measure at the thing that had
occurred. The subsequent conversation threw absolutely no light on
the matter so far as Fotheringay was concerned; the general opinion
not only followed Mr. Cox very closely but very vehemently. Everyone
accused Fotheringay of a silly trick, and presented him to himself as
a foolish destroyer of comfort and security. His mind was in a
tornado of perplexity, he was himself inclined to agree with them,
and he made a remarkably ineffectual opposition to the proposal of
his departure.
He
went home flushed and heated, coat-collar crumpled, eyes smarting and
ears red. He watched each of the ten street lamps nervously as he
passed it. It was only when he found himself alone in his little
bed-room in Church Row that he was able to grapple seriously with his
memories of the occurrence, and ask, "What on earth happened?"
He
had removed his coat and boots, and was sitting on the bed with his
hands in his pockets repeating the text of his defence for the
seventeenth time, "I
didn't want the confounded thing to upset," when it occurred to
him that at the precise moment he had said the commanding words he
had inadvertently willed the thing he said, and that when he had seen
the lamp in the air he had felt that it depended on him to maintain
it there without being clear how this was to be done. He had not a
particularly complex mind, or he might have stuck for a time at that
"inadvertently willed," embracing, as it does, the
abstrusest problems of voluntary action; but as it was, the idea came
to him with a quite acceptable haziness. And from that, following, as
I must admit, no clear logical path, he came to the test of
experiment.
He
pointed resolutely to his candle and collected his mind, though he
felt he did a foolish thing. "Be raised up," he said. But
in a second that feeling vanished. The candle was raised, hung in the
air one giddy moment, and as Mr. Fotheringay gasped, fell with a
smash on his toilet-table, leaving him in darkness save for the
expiring glow of its wick.
For
a time Mr. Fotheringay sat in the darkness, perfectly still. "It
did happen, after all," he said. "And 'ow
I'm to
explain it I don't
know." He sighed heavily, and began feeling in his pockets for a
match. He could find none, and he rose and groped about the
toilet-table. "I wish I had a match," he said. He resorted
to his coat, and there was none there, and then it dawned upon him
that miracles were possible even with matches. He extended a hand and
scowled at it in the dark. "Let there be a match in that hand,"
he said. He felt some light object fall across his palm, and his
fingers closed upon a match.
After
several ineffectual attempts to light this, he discovered it was a
safety-match. He threw it down, and then it occurred to him that he
might have willed it lit. He did, and perceived it burning in the
midst of his toilet-table mat. He caught it up hastily, and it went
out. His perception of possibilities enlarged, and he felt for and
replaced the candle in its candlestick. "Here! you
be lit," said Mr. Fotheringay, and forthwith the candle was
flaring, and he saw a little black hole in the toilet-cover, with a
wisp of smoke rising from it. For a time he stared from this to the
little flame and back, and then looked up and met his own gaze in the
looking glass. By this help he communed with himself in silence for a
time.
"How
about miracles now?" said Mr. Fotheringay at last, addressing
his reflection.
The
subsequent meditations of Mr. Fotheringay were of a severe but
confused description. So far, he could see it was a case of pure
willing with him. The nature of his experiences so far disinclined
him for any further experiments, at least until he had reconsidered
them. But he lifted a sheet of paper, and turned a glass of water
pink and then green, and he created a snail, which he miraculously
annihilated, and got himself a miraculous new tooth-brush. Somewhen
in the small hours he had reached the fact that his will-power must
be of a particularly rare and pungent quality, a fact of which he had
certainly had inklings before, but no certain assurance. The scare
and perplexity of his first discovery was now qualified by pride in
this evidence of singularity and by vague intimations of advantage.
He became aware that the church clock was striking one, and as it did
not occur to him that his daily duties at Gomshott's might be
miraculously dispensed with, he resumed undressing, in order to get
to bed without further delay. As he struggled to get his shirt over
his head, he was struck with a brilliant idea. "Let me be in
bed," he said, and found himself so. "Undressed," he
stipulated; and, finding the sheets cold, added hastily, "and in
my nightshirt no, in a nice soft woollen nightshirt. Ah!" he
said with immense enjoyment. "And now let me be comfortably
asleep...."
He
awoke at his usual hour and was pensive all through breakfast-time,
wondering whether his overnight experience might not be a
particularly vivid dream. At length his mind turned again to cautious
experiments. For instance, he had three eggs for breakfast; two his
landlady had supplied, good, but shoppy, and one was a delicious
fresh goose-egg, laid, cooked, and served by his extraordinary will.
He hurried off to Gomshott's in a state of profound but carefully
concealed excitement, and only remembered the shell of the third egg
when his landlady spoke of it that night. All day he could do no work
because of this astonishingly new self-knowledge, but this caused him
no inconvenience, because he made up for it miraculously in his last
ten minutes.
As
the day wore on his state of mind passed from wonder to elation,
albeit the circumstances of his dismissal from the Long Dragon were
still disagreeable to recall, and a garbled account of the matter
that had reached his colleagues led to some badinage. It was evident
he must be careful how lie lifted frangible articles, but in other
ways his gift promised more and more as he turned it over in his
mind. He intended among other things to increase his personal
property by unostentatious acts of creation. He called into existence
a pair of very splendid diamond studs, and hastily annihilated them
again as young Gomshott came across the counting-house to his desk.
He was afraid young Gomshott might wonder how he had come by them. He
saw quite clearly the gift required caution and watchfulness in its
exercise, but so far as he could judge the difficulties attending its
mastery would be no greater than those he had already faced in the
study of cycling. It was that analogy, perhaps, quite as much as the
feeling that he would be unwelcome in the Long Dragon, that drove him
out after supper into the lane beyond the gas-works, to rehearse a
few miracles in private.
There
was possibly a certain want of originality in his attempts, for apart
from his will-power Mr. Fotheringay was not a very exceptional man.
The miracle of Moses' rod came to his mind, but the night was dark
and unfavourable to the proper control of large miraculous snakes.
Then he recollected the story of "Tannhδuser" that he had
read on the back of the Philharmonic programme. That seemed to him
singularly attractive and harmless. He stuck his walking-stick a
very nice Poona-Penang lawyer into the turf that edged the
footpath, and commanded the dry wood to blossom. The air was
immediately full of the scent of roses, and by means of a match he
saw for himself that this beautiful miracle was indeed accomplished.
His satisfaction was ended by advancing footsteps. Afraid of a
premature discovery of his powers, he addressed the blossoming stick
hastily: "Go back." What he meant was "Change back ;"
but of course he was confused. The stick receded at a considerable
velocity, and incontinently came a cry of anger and a bad word from
the approaching person. "Who are you throwing brambles at, you
fool?" cried a voice. "That got me on the shin."
"I'm
sorry, old chap," said Mr. Fotheringay, and then realising the
awkward nature of the explanation, caught nervously at his moustache.
He saw Winch, one of the three Immering constables, advancing.
"What
d'yer mean by it?" asked the constable. Hullo! It's you, is it?
The gent that broke the lamp at the Long Dragon!"
"I
don't mean anything by it," said Mr. Fotheringay. "Nothing
at all."
"What
d'yer do it for then?"
"Oh,
bother!" said Mr. Fotheringay.
"Bother
indeed! D'yer know that stick hurt? What d'yer do it for, eh?"
For
the moment Mr. Fotheringay could not think what he had done it for.
His silence seemed to irritate Mr. Winch. "You've been
assaulting the police, young man, this time. That's what you
done."
"Look
here, Mr. Winch," said Mr. Fotheringay, annoyed and confused,
"I'm very sorry. The fact is "
"Well?"
He
could think of no way but the truth. "I was working a miracle."
He tried to speak in an off-hand way, but try as he would he
couldn't.
"Working
a -! 'Ere, don't you talk rot. Working a miracle, indeed! Miracle!
Well, that's downright funny! Why, you's the chap that don't believe
in miracles.... Fact is, this is another of your silly conjuring
tricks that's what this is. Now, I tell you "
But
Mr. Fotheringay never heard what Mr. Winch was going to tell him. He
realised he had given himself away, flung his valuable secret to all
the winds of heaven. A violent gust of irritation swept him to
action. He turned on the constable swiftly and fiercely. "Here,"
he said, "I've had enough of this, I have! I'll show you a silly
conjuring trick, I will! Go to Hades! Go, now!"
He
was alone!
Mr.
Fotheringay performed no more miracles that night, nor did he trouble
to see what had become of his flowering stick. He returned to the
town, scared and very quiet, and went to his bed-room. "Lord!"
he said, "it's a powerful gift an extremely powerful gift. I
didn't hardly mean as much as that. Not really.... I wonder what
Hades is like!"
He
sat on the bed taking off his boots. Struck by a happy thought he
transferred the constable to San Francisco, and without any more
interference with normal causation went soberly to bed. In the night
he dreamt of the anger of Winch.
The
next day Mr. Fotheringay heard two interesting items of news. Someone
had planted a most beautiful climbing rose against the elder Mr.
Gomshott's private house in the Lullaborough Road, and the river as
far as Rawling's Mill was to be dragged for Constable Winch.
Mr.
Fotheringay was abstracted and thoughtful all that day, and performed
no miracles except certain provisions for Winch, and the miracle of
completing his day's work with punctual perfection in spite of all
the bee-swarm of thoughts that hummed through his mind. And the
extraordinary abstraction and meekness of his manner was remarked by
several people, and made a, matter for jesting. For the most part he
was thinking of Winch.
On
Sunday evening he went to chapel, and oddly enough, Mr. Maydig, who
took a certain interest in occult matters, preached about "things
that are not lawful." Mr. Fotheringay was not a regular chapel
goer, but the system of assertive scepticism, to which I have already
alluded, was now very much shaken. The tenor of the sermon threw an
entirely new light on these novel gifts, and he suddenly decided to
consult Mr. Maydig immediately after the service. So soon as that was
determined, he found himself wondering why he had not done so before.
Mr.
Maydig, a lean, excitable man with quite remarkably long wrists and
neck, was gratified at a request for a private conversation from a
young man whose carelessness in religious matters was a subject for
general remark in the town. After a few necessary delays, he
conducted him to the study of the Manse, which was contiguous to the
chapel, seated him comfortably, and, standing in front of a cheerful
fire his legs threw a Rhodian arch of shadow on the opposite wall
requested Mr. Fotheringay to state his business.
At
first Mr. Fotheringay was a little abashed, and found some difficulty
in opening the matter. "You will scarcely believe me, Mr.
Maydig, I am afraid" and so forth for some time. He tried a
question at last, and asked Mr. Maydig his opinion of miracles.
Mr.
Maydig was still saying "Well" in an extremely judicial
tone, when Mr. Fotheringay interrupted again: "You don't
believe, I suppose, that some common sort of person like myself,
for instance as it might be sitting here now, might have some
sort of twist inside him that made him able to do things by his
will."
"It's
possible," said Mr. Maydig. "Something of the sort,
perhaps, is possible."
"If
I might make free with something here, I think I might show you by a
sort of experiment," said Mr. Fotheringay. "Now, take that
tobacco-jar on the table, for instance. What I want to know is
whether what I am going to do with it is a miracle or not. Just half
a minute, Mr. Maydig, please."
He
knitted his brows, pointed to the tobacco-jar and said: "Be a
bowl of vi'lets."
The
tobacco-jar did as it was ordered.
Mr.
Maydig started violently at the change, and stood looking from the
thaumaturgist to the bowl of flowers. He said nothing. Presently he
ventured to lean over the table and smell the violets; they were
fresh-picked and very fine ones. Then he stared at Mr. Fotheringay
again.
"How
did you do that?" he asked.
Mr.
Fotheringay pulled his moustache. "Just told it and there
you are. Is that a miracle, or is it black art, or what is it? And
what do you think's the matter with me? That's what I want to ask."
"It's
a most extraordinary occurrence."
"And
this day last week I knew no more that I could do things like that
than you did. It came quite sudden. It's something odd about my will,
I suppose, and that's as far as I can see."
"Is
that
the only thing. Could you do other things besides that?"
"Lord,
yes! said Mr. Fotheringay. "Just anything." He thought, and
suddenly recalled a conjuring entertainment he had seen. "Here!"
He pointed. "Change into a bowl of fish no, not that
change into a glass bowl full of water with goldfish swimming in it.
That's better! You see that, Mr. Maydig?"
"It's
astonishing. It's incredible. You are either a most
extraordinary.... But no
"I
could change it into anything," said Mr. Fotheringay. "Just
anything. Here! be a pigeon, will you?"
In
another moment a blue pigeon was fluttering round the room and making
Mr. Maydig duck every time it came near him. "Stop there, will
you," said Mr. Fotheringay; and the pigeon hung motionless in
the air. "I could change it back to a bowl of flowers," he
said, and after replacing the pigeon on the table worked that
miracle. "I expect you will want your pipe in a bit," he
said, and restored the tobacco-jar.
Mr.
Maydig had followed all these later changes in a sort of ejaculatory
silence. He stared at Mr. Fotheringay and, in a very gingerly manner,
picked up the tobacco-jar, examined it, replaced it on the table.
"Well!"
was the only expression of his feelings.
"Now,
after that it's easier to explain what I came about," said Mr.
Fotheringay; and proceeded to a lengthy and involved narrative of his
strange experiences, beginning with the affair of the lamp in the
Long Dragon and complicated by persistent allusions to Winch. As he
went on, the transient pride Mr. Maydig's consternation had caused
passed away; he became the very ordinary Mr. Fotheringay of everyday
intercourse again. Mr. Maydig listened intently, the tobacco-jar in
his hand, and his bearing changed also with the course of the
narrative. Presently, while Mr. Fotheringay was dealing with the
miracle of the third egg, the minister interrupted with a fluttering
extended hand
"It
is possible," he said. "It is credible. It is amazing, of
course, but it reconciles a number of amazing difficulties. The power
to work miracles is a gift a peculiar quality like genius or
second sight hitherto it has come very rarely and to
exceptional people. But in this case
. I have always wondered at
the miracles of Mahomet, and at Yogi's miracles, and the miracles of
Madame Blavatsky. But, of course! Yes, it is simply a gift! It
carries out so beautifully the arguments of that great thinker"
Mr. Maydig's voice sank "his Grace the Duke of Argyll.
Here we plumb some profounder law deeper than the ordinary laws
of nature. Yes yes. Go on. Go on!"
Mr.
Fotheringay proceeded to tell of his misadventure with Winch, and Mr.
Maydig, no longer overawed or scared, began to jerk his limbs about
and interject astonishment. "It's this what troubled me most,"
proceeded Mr. Fotheringay; "it's this I'm most mijitly in want
of advice for; of course he's at San Francisco wherever San
Francisco may be but of course it's awkward for both of us, as
you'll see, Mr. Maydig. I don't see how he can understand what has
happened, and I dare-say he's scared and exasperated something
tremendous, and trying to get at me. I daresay he keeps on starting
off to come here. I send him back, by a miracle, every few hours,
when I think of it. And of course, that's a thing he won't be able to
understand, and it's bound to annoy him; and, of course, if he takes
a ticket every time it will cost him a lot of money. I done the best
I could for him, but of course it's difficult for him to put himself
in my place. I thought afterwards that his clothes might have got
scorched, you know if Hades is all it's supposed to be before
I shifted him. In that case I suppose they'd have locked him up in
San Francisco. Of course I willed him a new suit of clothes on him
directly I thought of it. But, you see, I'm already in a deuce of a
tangle "
Mr.
Maydig looked serious. "I see you are in a tangle. Yes, it's a
difficult position. How you are to end it
" He became diffuse
and inconclusive.
"However,
we'll leave Winch for a little and discuss the larger question. I
don't think this is a case of the black art or anything of the sort.
I don't think there is any taint of criminality about it at all, Mr.
Fotheringay none whatever, unless you are suppressing material
facts. No, it's miracles pure miracles miracles, if I may say
so, of the very highest class."
He
began to pace the hearthrug and gesticulate, while Mr. Fotheringay
sat with his arm on the table and his head on his arm, looking
worried. "I don't see how I'm to manage about Winch," he
said.
"A
gift of working miracles apparently a very powerful gift,"
said Mr. Maydig, "will find a way about Winch never fear. My
dear Sir, you are a most important man a man of the most
astonishing possibilities. As evidence, for example! And in other
ways, the things you may do ...."
"Yes,
I've
thought of a thing or two," said Mr. Fotheringay. "But
some of the things came a bit twisty. You saw that fish at first?
Wrong sort of bowl and wrong sort of fish. And I thought I'd ask
someone."
"A
proper course," said Mr. Maydig, "a very proper course
altogether the proper course." He stopped and looked at Mr.
Fotheringay. "It's practically an unlimited gift. Let us test
your powers, for instance. If they really are...
If they really are all they seem to be."
And
so, incredible as it may seem, in the study of the little house
behind the Congregational Chapel, on the evening of Sunday, Nov. 10,
1896, Mr. Fotheringay, egged on and inspired by Mr. Maydig, began to
work miracles. The reader's attention is specially and definitely
called to the date. He will object, probably has already objected,
that certain points in this story are improbable, that if any things
of the sort already described had indeed occurred, they would have
been in all the papers a year ago. The details immediately following
he will find particularly hard to accept, because among other things
they involve the conclusion that he or she, the reader in question,
must have been killed in a violent and unprecedented manner more than
a year ago. Now a miracle is nothing if not improbable, and as a
matter of fact the reader was killed in a violent and unprecedented
manner a year ago. In the subsequent course of this story that will
become perfectly clear and credible, as every right-minded and
reasonable reader will admit. But this is not the place for the end
of the story, being but little beyond the hither side of the middle.
And at first the miracles worked by Mr. Fotheringay were timid little
miracles little things with the cups and parlour fitments, as
feeble as the miracles of Theosophists, and, feeble as they were,
they were received with awe by his collaborator. He would have
preferred to settle the Winch business out of hand, but Mr. Maydig
would not let him. But after they had worked a dozen of these
domestic trivialities, their sense of power grew, their imagination
began to show signs of stimulation, and their ambition enlarged.
Their first larger enterprise was due to hunger and the negligence of
Mrs. Minchin, Mr. Maydig's housekeeper. The meal to which the
minister conducted Mr. Fotheringay was certainly ill-laid and
uninviting as refreshment for two industrious miracle-workers; but
they were seated, and Mr. Maydig was descanting in sorrow rather than
in anger upon his housekeeper's shortcomings, before it occurred to
Mr. Fotheringay that an opportunity lay before him. "Don't you
think, Mr. Maydig," he said, "if it isn't a liberty, I
"
"My
dear Mr. Fotheringay! Of course! No I didn't think."
Mr.
Fotheringay waved his hand. "What shall we have?" he said,
in a large, inclusive spirit, and, at Mr. Maydig's order, revised the
supper very thoroughly. "As for me," he said, eyeing Mr.
Maydig's selection, "I am always particularly fond of a tankard
of stout and a nice Welsh rarebit, and I'll order that. I ain't much
given to Burgundy," and forthwith stout and Welsh rarebit
promptly appeared at his command. They sat long at their supper,
talking like equals, as Mr. Fotheringay presently perceived, with a
glow of surprise and gratification, of all the miracles they would
presently do. "And, by the bye, Mr. Maydig," said Mr.
Fotheringay, "I might perhaps be able to help you in a
domestic way."
"Don't
quite follow," said Mr. Maydig pouring out a glass of miraculous
old Burgundy.
Mr.
Fotheringay helped himself to a second Welsh rarebit out of vacancy,
and took a mouthful. "I was thinking," he said, "I
might be able (chum,
chum) to
work (chum,
chum) a
miracle with Mrs. Minchin (chum,
chum)
make her a better woman."
Mr.
Maydig put down the glass and looked doubtful. "She's She
strongly objects to interference, you know, Mr. Fotheringay. And
as a matter of fact it's well past eleven and she's probably in
bed and asleep. Do you think, on the whole "
Mr.
Fotheringay considered these objections. "I don't see that it
shouldn't be .done in her sleep."
For
a time Mr. Maydig opposed the idea, and then he yielded. Mr.
Fotheringay issued his orders, and a little less at their ease,
perhaps, the two gentlemen proceeded with their repast. Mr. Maydig
was enlarging on the changes he might expect in his housekeeper next
day, with an optimism that seemed even to Mr. Fotheringay's supper
senses a little forced and hectic, when a series of confused noises
from upstairs began. Their eyes exchanged interrogations, and Mr.
Maydig left the room hastily. Mr. Fotheringay heard him calling up to
his housekeeper and then his footsteps going softly up to her.
In
a minute or so the minister returned, his step light, his face
radiant. "Wonderful!" he said, "and touching! Most
touching!"
He
began pacing the hearthrug. "A repentance a most touching
repentance through the crack of the door. Poor woman! A most
wonderful change! She had got up. She must have got up at once. She
had got up out of her sleep to smash a private bottle of brandy in
her box. And to confess it too!... But this gives us it opens
a most amazing vista of possibilities. If we can work this miraculous
change in her...."
"The
thing's unlimited seemingly," said Mr. Fotheringay. "And
about Mr. Winch "
"Altogether
unlimited." And from the hearthrug Mr. Maydig, waving the Winch
difficulty aside, unfolded a series of wonderful proposals
proposals he invented as he went along.
Now
what those proposals were does not concern the essentials of this
story. Suffice it that they were designed in a spirit of infinite
benevolence, the sort of benevolence that used to be called
post-prandial. Suffice it, too, that the problem of Winch remained
unsolved. Nor is it necessary to describe how far that series got to
its fulfilment. There were astonishing changes. The small hours found
Mr. Maydig and Mr. Fotheringay careering across the chilly
market-square under the still moon, in a sort of ecstasy of
thaumaturgy, Mr. Maydig all flap and gesture, Mr. Fotheringay short
and bristling, and no longer abashed at his greatness. They had
reformed every drunkard in the Parliamentary division, changed all
the beer and alcohol to water (Mr. Maydig had overruled Mr.
Fotheringay on this point); they had, further, greatly improved the
railway communication of the place, drained Flinder's swamp, improved
the soil of One Tree Hill, and cured the Vicar's wart. And they were
going to see what could be done with the injured pier at South
Bridge. "The place," gasped Mr. Maydig, "won't be the
same place to-morrow. How surprised and thankful everyone will be!"
And just at that moment the church clock struck three.
"I
say," said Mr. Fotheringay, "that's three o'clock I must be
getting back. I've got to be at business by eight. And besides, Mrs.
Wimms "
"We're
only beginning," said Mr. Maydig, full of the sweetness of
unlimited power. "We're only beginning. Think of all the good
we're doing. When people wake "
"But
," said Mr. Fotheringay.
Mr.
Maydig gripped his arm suddenly. His eyes were bright and wild. "My
dear chap," he said, "there's no hurry. Look" he
pointed to the moon at the zenith "Joshua!"
"Joshua?"
said Mr. Fotheringay.
"Joshua,"
said Mr. Maydig. "Why not? Stop it."
Mr.
Fotheringay looked at the moon.
"That's
a bit tall," he said after a pause.
"Why
not?" said Mr. Maydig. "Of course it doesn't stop. You stop
the rotation of the earth, you know. Time stops. It isn't as if we
were doing harm."
"H'm!"
said Mr. Fotheringay.
"Well."
He sighed.
"I'll try.
Here "
He
buttoned up his jacket and addressed himself to the habitable globe,
with as good an assumption of confidence as lay in his power. "Jest
stop rotating, will you," said Mr. Fotheringay.
Incontinently
he was flying head over heels through the air at the rate of dozens
of miles a minute. In spite of the innumerable circles he was
describing per second, he thought; for thought is wonderful
sometimes as sluggish as flowing pitch, sometimes as instantaneous as
light. He thought in a second, and willed. "Let me come down
safe and sound. Whatever else happens, let me down safe and sound."
He
willed it only just in time, for his clothes, heated by his rapid
flight through the air, were already beginning to singe. He came down
with a forcible, but by no means injurious bump in what appeared to
be a mound of fresh-turned earth. A large mass of metal and masonry,
extraordinarily like the clock-tower in the middle of the
market-square, hit the earth near him, ricochetted over him, and flew
into stonework, bricks, and masonry, like a bursting bomb. A hurtling
cow hit one of the larger blocks and smashed like an egg. There was a
crash that made all the most violent crashes of his past life seem
like the sound of falling dust, and this was followed by a descending
series of lesser crashes. A vast wind roared throughout earth and
heaven, so that he could scarcely lift his head to look. For a while
he was too breathless and astonished even to see where he was or what
had happened. And his first movement was to feel his head and
reassure himself that his streaming hair was still his own.
"Lord!"
gasped Mr. Fotheringay, scarce able to speak for the gale, "I've
had a squeak. What's gone wrong? Storms and thunder. And only a
minute ago a fine night. It's Maydig set me on to this sort of thing.
What
a wind! If I go on fooling in this way I'm bound to have a thundering
accident!...
"Where's
Maydig?
"What
a confounded mess everything's in!"
He
looked about him so far as his flapping jacket would permit. The
appearance of things was really extremely strange. "The sky's
all right anyhow," said Mr. Fotheringay. "And that's about
all that is all right. And even there it looks like a terrific gale
coming up. But there's the moon overhead. Just as it was just now.
Bright as midday. But as for the rest Where's the village?
Where's where's anything? And what on earth set this wind
a-blowing? I
didn't order
no wind."
Mr.
Fotheringay struggled to get to his feet in vain, and after one
failure, remained on all fours, holding on. He surveyed the moonlit
world to leeward, with the tails of his jacket streaming over his
head. "There's something seriously wrong," said Mr.
Fotheringay. "And what it is goodness knows."
Far
and wide nothing was visible in the white glare through the haze of
dust that drove before a screaming gale but tumbled masses of earth
and heaps of inchoate ruins, no trees, no houses, no familiar shapes,
only a wilderness of disorder vanishing at last into the darkness
beneath the whirling columns and streamers, the lightnings and
thunderings of a swiftly rising storm. Near him in the livid glare
was something that might once have been an elm-tree, a smashed mass
of splinters, shivered from boughs to base, and further a twisted
mass of iron girders only too evidently the viaduct rose out
of the piled confusion.
You
see, when Mr. Fotheringay had arrested the rotation of the solid
globe, he had made no stipulation concerning the trifling movables
upon its surface. And the earth spins so fast that the surface at its
equator is travelling at rather more than a thousand miles an hour,
and in these latitudes at more than half that pace. So that the
village, and Mr. Maydig, and Mr. Fotheringay, and everybody and
everything had been jerked violently forward at about nine miles per
second that is to say, much more violently than if they had been
fired out of a cannon. And every human being, every living creature,
every house, and every tree all the world as we know it had
been so jerked and smashed and utterly destroyed. That was all.
These
things Mr. Fotheringay did not, of course, fully appreciate. But he
perceived that his miracle had miscarried, and with that a great
disgust of miracles came upon him. He was in darkness now, for the
clouds had swept together and blotted out his momentary glimpse of
the moon, and the air was full of fitful struggling tortured wraiths
of hail. A great roaring of wind and waters filled earth and sky,
and, peering under his hand through the dust and sleet to windward,
he saw by the play of the lightnings a vast wall of water pouring
towards him.
"Maydig!"
screamed Mr. Fotheringay's feeble voice amid the elemental uproar.
"Here! Maydig!"
"Stop!"
cried Mr. Fotheringay to the advancing water. "Oh, for goodness'
sake, stop!"
"Just
a moment," said Mr. Fotheringay to the lightnings and thunder.
"Stop jest a moment while I collect my thoughts.... And now what
shall I do?" he said. "What shall
I do? Lord! I wish Maydig was about."
"I
know," said Mr. Fotheringay. "And for goodness' sake let's
have it right this
time."
He
remained on all fours, leaning against the wind, very intent to have
everything right.
"Ah!"
he said. "Let nothing what I'm going to order happen until I say
'Off!'
. Lord! I wish I'd thought of that before!"
He
lifted his little voice against the whirlwind, shouting louder and
louder in the vain desire to hear himself speak. "Now then! here
goes! Mind about that what I said just now. In the first place, when
all I've got to say is done, let me lose my miraculous power, let my
will become just like anybody else's will, and all these dangerous
miracles be stopped. I don't like them. I'd rather I didn't work 'em.
Ever so much. That's the first thing. And the second is let me be
back just before the miracles begin; let everything be just as it was
before that blessed lamp turned up. It's a big job, but it's the
last. Have you got it? No more miracles, everything as it was me
back in the Long Dragon just before I drank my half-pint. That's it!
Yes."
He
dug his fingers into the mould, closed his eyes, and said "Off!"
Everything
became perfectly still. He perceived that he was standing erect.
"So
you
say," said a voice.
He
opened his eyes. He was in the bar of the Long Dragon, arguing about
miracles with Toddy Beamish. He had a vague sense of some great thing
forgotten that instantaneously passed. You see that, except for the
loss of his miraculous powers, everything was back as it had been,
his mind and memory therefore were now just as they had been at the
time when this story began. So that he knew absolutely nothing of all
that is told here, knows nothing of all that is told here to this
day. And among other things, of course, he still did not believe in
miracles.
"I
tell you that miracles, properly speaking, can't possibly happen,"
he said, "whatever you like to hold. And I'm prepared to prove
it up to the hilt."
"That's
what you
think," said Toddy Beamish, and "Prove it if you can."
"Looky
here, Mr. Beamish," said Mr. Fotheringay. "Let us clearly
understand what a miracle is. It's something contrariwise to the
course of nature done by power of Will
."
THE
END
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