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THE SECOND CHAPTER ANIMAL LANGUAGE T happened one day that the Doctor was sitting
in his kitchen talking with the Cat's-meat-Man who had come to see him with a
stomach-ache.
"Why don't you give up being a
people's doctor, and be an animal-doctor?" asked the Cat's-meat-Man. The parrot, Polynesia, was sitting in
the window looking out at the rain and singing a sailor-song to herself. She
stopped singing and started to listen. "You see, Doctor," the
Cat's-meat-Man went on, "you know all about animals — much more than what
these here vets do. That book you wrote — about cats, why, it's wonderful! I
can't read or write myself — or maybe I'd write some books. But my wife,
Theodosia, she's a scholar, she is. And she read your book to me. Well, it's
wonderful — that's all can be said — wonderful. You might have been a cat
yourself. You know the way they think. And listen: you can make a lot of money
doctoring animals. Do you know that? You see, I'd send all the old women who
had sick cats or dogs to you. And if they didn't get sick fast enough, I could
put something in the meat I sell 'em to make 'em sick, see?" "Oh, no," said .the Doctor
quickly. "You mustn't do that. That wouldn't be right." "Oh, I didn't mean real sick,"
answered the Cat's-meat-Man. "Just a little something to make them
droopy-like was what I had reference to. But as you say, maybe it ain't quite
fair on the animals. But they'll get sick anyway, because the old women always
give 'em too much to eat. And look, all the farmers round about who had lame
horses and weak lambs — they'd come. Be an animal-doctor." When the Cat's-meat-Man had gone the parrot
flew off the window on to the Doctor's table and said, "That man's got sense. That's what
you ought to do. Be an animal-doctor. Give the silly people up — if they
haven't brains enough to see you're the best doctor in the world. Take care of
animals instead — they'll soon find it out. Be an animal-doctor." "Oh, there are plenty of
animal-doctors," said John Dolittle, putting the flower-pots outside on
the window-sill to get the rain. "Yes, there are plenty," said
Polynesia. "But none of them are any good at all. Now listen, Doctor, and
I'll tell you something. Did you know that animals can talk?" "I knew that parrots can
talk," said the Doctor. "Oh, we parrots can talk in two
languages — people's language and bird-language," said Polynesia proudly.
"If I say, 'Polly wants a cracker,' you understand me. But hear this:
Ka-ka oi-ee, fee-fee?" "Good Gracious!" cried the
Doctor. "What does that mean?" "That means, 'Is the porridge hot
yet?' — in bird-language." "My! You don't say so!" said
the Doctor. "You never talked that way to me before." "What would have been the
good?" said Polynesia, dusting some cracker-crumbs off her left wing.
"You wouldn't have understood me if I had." "Tell me some more," said the
Doctor, all excited; and he rushed over to the dresser-drawer and came back
with the butcher's book and a pencil. "Now don't go too fast — and I'll
write it down. This is interesting — very interesting — something quite new. Give me the Birds'
A.B.C. first — slowly now." So that was the way the Doctor came to
know that animals had a language of their own and could talk to one another.
And all that afternoon, while it was raining, Polynesia sat on the kitchen
table giving him bird words to put down in the book. At tea-time, when the dog, Jip, came in,
the parrot said to the Doctor, "See, he's talking to you." "Looks to me as though he were
scratching his ear," said the Doctor. "But animals don't always speak
with their mouths," said the parrot in a high voice, raising her
eyebrows. "They talk with their ears, with their feet, with their tails —
with everything. Sometimes they don't want to make a noise. Do you see now the
way he's twitching up one side of his nose?" "What's that mean?" asked the
Doctor. "That means, 'Can't you see that it
has stopped raining?' " Polynesia answered. "He is asking you a
question. Dogs nearly always use their noses for asking questions." After a while, with the parrot's help,
the Doctor got to learn the language of the animals so well that he could talk
to them himself and understand everything they said. Then he gave up being a
people's doctor altogether. As soon as the Cat's-meat-Man had told
every one that John Dolittle was going to become an animal-doctor, old ladies
began to bring him their pet pugs and poodles who had eaten too much cake; and
farmers came many miles to show him sick cows and sheep. One day a plow-horse was brought to him;
and the poor thing was terribly glad to find a man who could talk in
horse-language. "You know, Doctor," said the
horse, "that vet over the hill knows nothing at all. He has been treating
me six weeks now — for spavins. What I need is spectacles. I am going blind in
one eye. There's no reason why horses shouldn't wear glasses, the same as
people. But that stupid man over the hill never even looked at my eyes. He kept
on giving me big pills. I tried to tell him; but he couldn't understand a word
of horse-language. What I need is spectacles." "Of course — of course," said
the Doctor. "I'll get you some at once." "I would like a pair like
yours," said the horse — "only green. They'll keep the sun out of my
eyes while I'm plowing the Fifty-Acre Field." "Certainly," said the Doctor.
"Green ones you shall have." He could see as well as ever "You know, the trouble is,
Sir," said the plow-horse as the Doctor opened the front door to let him
out — "the trouble is that anybody thinks he can doctor animals — just
because the animals don't complain. As a matter of fact it takes a much
cleverer man to be a really good animal-doctor than it does to be a good
people's doctor. My farmer's boy thinks he knows all about horses. I wish you
could see him — his face is so fat he looks as though he had no eyes — and he has got as much brain as a
potato-bug. He tried to put a mustard-plaster on me last week." "Where did he put it?" asked
the Doctor. "Oh, he didn't put it anywhere — on
me," said the horse. "He only tried to. I kicked him into the
duck-pond." "Well, well!" said the Doctor.
"I'm a pretty quiet creature as a
rule," said the horse — "very patient with people — don't make much
fuss. But it was bad enough to have that vet giving me the wrong medicine. And
when that red-faced booby started to monkey with me, I just couldn't bear it
any more." "Did you hurt the boy much?"
asked the Doctor. "Oh, no," said the horse.
"I kicked him in the right place. The vet's looking after him now. When
will my glasses be ready?" "I'll have them for you next
week," said the Doctor. "Come in again Tuesday — Good morning!" Then John Dolittle got a fine, big pair
of green spectacles; and the plow-horse stopped going blind in one eye and
could see as well as ever. And soon it became a common sight to see
farm-animals wearing glasses in the country round Puddleby; and a blind horse
was a thing unknown. They came at once to his house on the edge of the town And so it was with all the other animals
that were brought to him. As soon as they found that he could talk their
language, they told him where the pain was and how they felt, and of course it
was easy for him to cure them. Now all these animals went back and told
their brothers and friends that there was a doctor in the little house with
the big garden who really was a doctor. And whenever any creatures got sick —
not only horses and cows and dogs — but all the little things of the fields,
like harvest-mice and water-voles, badgers and bats, they came at once to his
house on the edge of the town, so that his big garden was nearly always crowded
with animals trying to get in to see him. There were so many that came that he had
to have special doors made for the different kinds. He wrote "HORSES"
over the front door, "COWS" over the side door, and "SHEEP"
on the kitchen door. Each kind of animal had a separate door — even the mice
had a tiny tunnel made for them into the cellar, where they waited patiently in
rows for the Doctor to come round to them. And so, in a few years' time, every
living thing for miles and miles got to know about John Dolittle, M.D. And the
birds who flew to other countries in the winter told the animals in foreign
lands of the wonderful doctor of Puddleby-on-the-Marsh, who could understand
their talk and help them in their troubles. In this way he became famous among
the animals — all over the world — better known even than he had been among
the folks of the West Country. And he was happy and liked his life very much. One afternoon when the Doctor was busy
writing in a book, Polynesia sat in the window — as she nearly always did —
looking out at the leaves blowing about in the garden. Presently she laughed
aloud. "What is it, Polynesia?" asked
the Doctor, looking up from his book. "I was just thinking," said
the parrot; and she went on looking at the leaves. "What were you thinking?" "I was thinking about people,"
said Polynesia. "People make me sick. They think they're so wonderful. The
world has been going on now for thousands of years, hasn't it? And the only
thing, in animal-language that people have learned to understand is that when a
dog wags his tail he means 'I'm glad P — It's funny, isn't it? You are the very
first man to talk like us. Oh, sometimes people annoy me dreadfully — such airs
they put on — talking about 'the dumb animals.' Dumb! — Huh! Why I knew a macaw
once who could say 'Good morning!' in seven different ways without once opening
his mouth. He could talk every language — and Greek. An old professor with a
gray beard bought him. But he didn't stay. He said the old man didn't talk
Greek right, and he couldn't stand listening to him teach the language wrong. I
often wonder what's become of him. That bird knew more geography than people
will ever know. — People, Golly! I suppose if people ever learn to fly — like
any common hedge-sparrow — we shall never hear the end of it!" "You're a wise old bird," said
the Doctor. "How old are you really? I know that parrots and elephants
sometimes live to be very, very old." "I can never be quite sure of my
age," said Polynesia. "It's either a hundred and eighty-three or a
hundred and eighty-two. But I know that when I first came here from Africa,
King Charles was still hiding in the oak-tree because I saw him. He looked
scared to death." |