Ill
The Equine Palace
“NOW that Mr. Prawley is back," I told Isobel, "we
can take that trip to Port Lafayette with Millington," and it was then
Isobel mentioned the advisability of keeping a horse; but Millington and I, not
being afraid of automobiles, began to go to Port Lafayette in his automobile.
As a rule we began to go every day, and some times twice a day, and I must say
for Millington's automobile that it was one of the most patient I have ever
seen. Patient and willing are the very words. It would start for Port Lafayette
as willingly as anything, and go along as patiently as possible. It was a very
patient goer. Haste had no charms for it. Millington used to come over bright
and early and say cheerfully, "Well, how would you like to take a little
run out to Port Lafayette to-day?" and I would get my cap, and we would go
over to his garage and get into the machine. Then Millington would pull a lever
or two, and begin to listen for noises indicative of internal disorders. As a rule,
they began immediately, but some times he would not hear anything that could be
called really serious until we reached the corner of the block. Once, I
remember, and I shall never forget the date, we went three miles before
Millington stopped the car and got out his wrenches and antiseptic bandages and
other surgical tools; but usually the noises began inside of the block. Then we
would push it home, and postpone the trip for that day, while Millington
laboured over the automobile.
"We will get to Port Lafayette yet," he would say
hopefully.
As soon as Isobel mentioned keeping a horse I knew she was
beginning to like suburban life, and I was delighted. Having lived all her life
in a flat, her mind naturally ran to theatres and roof gardens, rather than to
the delights of the suburbs, and her reading still consisted more of department
store bargain sales and advertisements of new plays than of seed catalogues and
ready mixed paints, as a good suburban wife's reading should; but as soon as
she mentioned that it would be nice to have a horse I knew she was at length
falling a victim to the allurements of our semi-country existence. In order to
add fuel to the flame I took up the suggestion with enthusiasm.
"Isobel," I said warmly, "that is a splendid
idea! A horse is just what we need to add the finishing touch to our happiness!
With these splendid, tree-bordered roads —"
"A horse that is not afraid of Mr. Millington's automobile,"
interposed Isobel.
"Certainly," I said, "a horse that you can
drive without fear —"
"But not a pokey old thing," said Isobel.
"By no means," I agreed; "what we want is a
young, fresh horse that can get over the road —"
"And gentle," said Isobel. "And strong. And
he must be a good-looking horse. One with a glossy skin. Reddish brown, with a
long tail. I would like a great, big, strong-looking horse, like the Donelleys’,
but faster, like the Smiths’."
"Exactly," I said. "That’s the sort of horse
I had in mind. And we will get the horse immediately. I shall stay at home to
morrow and select the kind of horse we want, unless Mr. Millington takes me to
Port Lafayette —"
"Now, John," said Isobel, "you must not be
too hasty. You must be careful. I think the right way to buy a horse is to shop
a little first, and see what people have in stock, and not take the first thing
that is offered, the way you do when you buy shirts. You know how hideous some
of those last shirts are, and the arms far too long, and we don't want anything
like that to happen when you are buying a horse. I have been talking to Mrs.
Rolfs, and she says it is mere folly to buy the first horse that is offered.
Mrs. Rolfs says it stands to reason that a man who wants to get rid of a horse
would be the first man to offer it. As soon as he learned we wanted a horse he
would rush to us with the horse, so as not to lose the chance of getting rid of
it. And Mrs. Millington says it is worse than foolish to wait until the very
last horse is offered and then buy that one, for the man that hung back in that
way would undoubtedly be the man that did not particularly care to part with
his horse, and would feel that he was doing us a favour, and would ask a
perfectly unreasonable price. The thing to do, John, is to buy, as nearly as
possible, the middle horse that is offered. If twenty-one horses were offered
the thing to do would be to buy the eleventh horse, and in that way we would be
sure to get a good horse at a reasonable price."
I told Isobel that what she said was perfectly logical, and
that I would get right to work and frame up an advertisement for the local
paper, saying we wanted a horse and would be glad to examine twenty-one of
them.
"Now, wait a minute," she said, when I had started
for my desk, "and don't be in too great a hurry. You know the mistake you
made in those last socks you bought, by going into the first store you came to,
and the very first time you put on those socks they wore full of holes. We don't
want a horse that will wear like that. Mrs. Rolfs says we must be very
particular what sort of man we buy our horse from. She says it is like suicide
to buy a horse from a dealer, because a dealer knows so much more about horses
than we do, and is up to so many tricks, that he would have no trouble at all
in fooling us, and we would probably get a horse that was worth nothing at all.
And Mrs. Millington says it is the greatest mistake in the world to buy a horse
from an ordinary suburban commuter. She says commuters know nothing at all
about horses and just buy them blindfold, and that, if we buy a horse from a
commuter, we are sure to get a worthless horse that the commuter has had
foisted upon him and is anxious to get rid of. The person to buy a horse of,
John, is a person that knows all about horses, but who is not a dealer."
"My idea exactly," I told Isobel, and started for
my desk again.
"John, dear," said Isobel, before I had taken two
steps, "why are you always so impetuous? Of course I want a horse, and I
would like to have it as soon as possible, but I believe in exercising a little
common sense. Where, may I ask, are you going to keep the horse when you have
got him?"
Now, this had not occurred to me, but I answered promptly.
"I shall put him out to board," I said un
hesitatingly, and there was really nothing else I could say, for there was no
stable on my place. I know plenty of suburbanites who keep horses and have them
boarded at the livery stables. But this did not please Isobel.
:4 You must do nothing of the kind!" said Isobel
firmly. "Mrs. Rolfs and Mrs. Millington both say there is nothing worse
for a good horse than to put it out to board. Mrs. Rolfs says it is much
cheaper to keep your horse in your own barn, and Mrs. Millington says she would
have a very low opinion of any man who would trust his horse to a livery man.
She says the horse is man's most faithful servant, and should be treated as
such, and that she has not the least doubt that the liveryman would underfeed
our horse, and then let it out to hire to some young harum-scarum, who would
whip it into a gallop until it got overheated, and then water it when it was so
hot the water would sizzle in its stomach, creating steam and giving it a bad
case of colic. And Mrs. Rolfs says the liveryman would be pleased with this,
rather than sorry, for then he would have to call in the veterinary, who would
divide his fee with the liveryman. So, you see, we must keep our horse in our
own stable."
"But, my dear," I protested, "we have no
stable."
"Then we must build one," said Isobel with
decision. "Mrs. Rolfs, as soon as she heard we were going to keep a horse,
lent me a magazine with a picture of a very nice stable, and Mrs. Millington
lent me another magazine with some excellent hints on how a modern stable
should be arranged, and I think, with all the modern methods of doing things
rapidly, we might have our stable all complete in a week, or ten days at the
most."
When I looked at Mrs. Rolfs's picture of a stable I felt
immediately that it would not suit my purse. I admitted to Isobel that it was a
handsome stable, and that the cupola with the weather vane looked very well
indeed, and that the idea of having two wings extended from the main building
to form a sort of court was a good one; but I told her it would inconvenience
the traffic on the street before our house if we moved our house far enough
into the street to permit putting a stable of that size in our back-yard. I
also told her, as gently as I could, that the style of architecture did not
suit our house, for while our house is a plain house, the stable recommended by
Mrs. Rolfs was pressed brick and stained shingles, with a slate roof. I also
pointed out to Isobel that one horse hardly needed a stable of that size, and
that even a very large horse would feel lonely in the main building.
I remarked jocosely that it would be well enough, if we
could keep two or three grooms with nothing to do but hunt through the stable,
trying to find the horse. If we could afford to do that, it would be a pleasure
to awaken in the morning and have one of the grooms come running to us with the
light of joy on his face, saying, "What do you think, sir? Jeems has found
the 'orse! An 'e ain't been 'untin' 'im but three days, sir! Smart lad, is
Jeems, sir!"
Isobel smiled in a wan, sad way at this, so I did not say,
as I had intended saying if she had received my joke well, that the only horse
requiring wings was Pegasus, arid that he furnished his own.
Instead, I took up Mrs. Millington's article on the modern
stable. It was a masterly article, indeed, and it spoke highly of the gravity
stable. No hay forks, no pitching up forage, no elevating feed, no loading of
manure from a heap into a wagon. No, indeed! Everything must go down; the
natural law of gravitation must do the work. Three
stories,
with the rear of the stable against the side of the hill. Drive your feed into
the top story and unload it. Slide it down into the second story to the horse.
Through a trap in the stall the manure falls into a wagon waiting to receive
it.
There were other details — electric lights, silver-mounted
chains, and other little things — but I did not pay much attention to them. I
explained to Isobel that it would be difficult to build a firm, solid hill,
large enough to back a three-story stable against, in our back yard. Of course,
there were plenty of hills in our part of Long Island that were lying idle and
might be had at low cost, but it costs a great deal to move a hill, and all of
them were so large they would overlap our property and bury the homes of Mr.
Rolfs and Mr. Millington. This did not greatly impress Isobel, however, and I
had to come out firmly and tell her it would be impossible to build a stable
three stories high, with two wings, pressed brick, shingle walls, slate roof,
and a weather vane, and at the same time erect a nice hill and buy a horse and
rig, all with one thousand dollars, which was all the money I could afford to
spend.
When I put it that way, and gave her her choice of one
thousand dollars worth of hill, or one thousand dollars worth of stable, or one
thousand dollars worth of assorted horse, stable, and rig, she chose the last,
and only remarked that she would insist on the weather vane and the manure pit.
She said that Mrs. Rolfs had taken such an interest, bringing over the
magazine, that it was only right to have the weather vane, at least; and that
Mrs. Millington had been so interested and kind that the very least we could do
was to have the manure pit.
"And another thing," said Isobel, "Mr.
Prawley is going to move out of the flat over head."
"Great Cæsar!" I exclaimed. "Is that man
quitting again? Isn't he getting
enough wages?"
"But I told her it would
inconvenience the traffic on the street before our house
if we moved our
house far enough into the street to permit putting a stable
of that size in
our backyard"
"Wages?" said Isobel . "Nothing has been said
about wages. But this Mr. Prawley will not stay if we buy a horse. He says he
does not mind gardening your garden and mowing your lawn and taking all your
other outdoor exercise for you, but that a horse once reached over the side of
the stall and bit him, and he doesn't want to work — to live in a place where horses
are liable to bite him at any time without a minute's notice."
"Tell that fellow," I said, "that we will get
a horse that doesn't bite, or that we will muzzle the horse, or —"
"It would be easier," said Isobel, ”to — to have a
Prawley move in who was not afraid of horses. I know of a man in East Westcote,
and he has had experience with horses —"
"Very well," I said. "I suppose you will wish
your allowance increased?"
"Yes," said Isobel, "if the new Mr. Prawley
moves into the flat overhead, I will need about five dollars a month more than
you have been allowing me."
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